Thinking of You
by Shiro Mirch 56
Summary: In which Rangiku ponders on her past with Gin and the recent happenings in his funeral. AU oneshot. Story inspired by Katy Perry's song "Thinking of You" I do not own Bleach nor the song used in the story.


**Thinking of You**

_Comparisons are easily done  
>Once you've had a taste of perfection<br>Like an apple hanging from a tree  
>I picked the ripest one<br>I still got the seed_

_You said move on_  
><em>Where do I go?<em>  
><em>I guess second best<em>  
><em>Is all I will know<em>

_'Cause when I'm with him_  
><em>I am thinking of you<em>  
><em>Thinking of you<em>  
><em>What you would do if<em>  
><em>You were the one<em>  
><em>Who was spending the night<em>  
><em>Oh I wish that I<em>  
><em>Was looking into your eyes<em>

_You're like an Indian summer_  
><em>In the middle of winter<em>  
><em>Like a hard candy<em>  
><em>With a surprise center<em>  
><em>How do I get better<em>  
><em>Once I've had the best?<em>  
><em>You said there's<em>  
><em>Tons of fish in the water<em>  
><em>So the waters I will test<em>

_'Cause when I'm with him_  
><em>I am thinking of you<em>  
><em>Thinking of you<em>  
><em>What you would do if<em>  
><em>You were the one<em>  
><em>Who was spending the night<em>  
><em>Oh I wish that I<em>  
><em>Was looking into...<em>

_You're the best_  
><em>And yes I do regret<em>  
><em>How I could let myself<em>  
><em>Let you go<em>  
><em>Now, now the lessons learned<em>  
><em>I touched it I was burned<em>  
><em>Oh I think you should know<em>

* * *

><p>It all happened.<p>

_What else I can do?_

I cannot help but sometimes stare out the window. Captain Hitsugaya even found me doing so and never said a word about it. This is weird. I don't really know if I had known you. Or if you're the Gin I knew before. But are you still?

I don't want to act all delusional like Hinamori and make somebody else consult me; you know how I hate being a burden to others; so I just wear the usual smile I always had masked in my face these days. I hope you know how many nights I could not sleep and had Hitsugaya-taicho check up on me since he could hear my jittering from his room.

You betrayed the Gotei 13, you betrayed everyone, your more-despaired looking vice-captain Kira, and most of all, _me_. Do you remember what I had wished for my birthday? It's for you to say where you are going or about to go. This was such a stupid and worthless gift if that's what you meant for it to be. I knew the time when the Negacion graced up on you; I couldn't do anything else. How I hope I could get you down here.

You called out to me without your usual grin; _Sorry_ and _Goodbye, Rangiku_.

Honestly, I couldn't speak at the time. It's like you had put a very heavy weight around my throat and it felt tangled for the mean time. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe what you just said. My wish is not supposed to be granted like that. I'm in no position to demand for things.

_It's too much._

Everyone had been worrying for the ones who had the three captains captivated for a moment. Captain Kuchiki who is always aloof from others even sent me his message by Rukia. I didn't find it weird, I never heard of the story of his wife after Rukia told me. Your Vice-captain Kira was the one who stayed by my side; drinking 'till we pass out. I didn't even know why am I doing this for you, more like, why am I even letting myself do these kinds of things? I never drank this much, I handle my liquor very well and just pass out after Kira had enough for himself._  
><em>

Captain Hitsugaya had let me take the day-off after that incident_. It's like drowning me in your venom._ He even consoled me about things. I hope you actually know what you're doing. Not only you make me fight Kira, now you're making me fight you? You're the person I didn't even want to point my sword at. Not you, Gin.

Remember the time I blocked your Shinso rushing on Hinamori, I had to apologize to Haineko and spend half of my income to get her fixed. What's funny is, she didn't complain about a single thing not like what she always does. It seems like the fact about zanpakutos inherits the attitudes from their owners are true after all. Although, she had complained about me bugging her casually, probably it's because of my thoughts.

Screw what fate had done to my life. My single wish was granted. But in what way?, in a goddamn cruel way. I just wanted you to tell me where you're going and I'm cool about the details. For your information, I always trace the mysterious scars on your sides whenever you get back at night at the past. Sure I was okay with all that. Until that time you said you're going to become a Shinigami to end things without me having to cry.

I never understood what you mean until now. I hope you can tell me why. I'm left in shambles. I'm not that expressive but even Captain Hitsugaya knows how I feel or probably knows what I'm feeling. I don't want to be like this. It's hard to change. A change without you, I swear, all I wanted is to be with you.

Though, that'll be impossible. Sure I had many people console me; none of those changed my mind. When I put Haineko onto your throat, I'm sure you noticed I had the part that was dull touching it. It's because that's how you affected me. _And I despise myself for that._

How I wish this is all just a dream. Another piece of my bad dreams, a part of my worst nightmare; It would be all okay if this wasn't true.

_I don't want to cry over your dead body._

I hope I didn't even meet you and sometimes think everything would not have happened if you left me there in the forest, wilting with the rest of the trees; _but you didn't._ You had a hand out, carrying a bunch of dried persimmons and that hand had one of it. You said you have the same powers and introduced yourself. I thought Gin was really a weird name but soon gotten used to it.

Every now and then, when I see a bit of white hair in the corner of my eyes, I couldn't think of no one else other than _him _- Gin. Whenever that name is said, I wanted to ask myself the same question. Were you the same Gin I met that day? Were you the Gin I fell in love with? I still do not have answers for this question, but judging from your actions, you were the same Gin. If so, then why?

The question just goes back and forth to me. I don't want to stay this way. I want to hear your answer. If that so called Karakura Town battle comes to reality, I swear to my recent and old captain that I'll go there even if I'm wounded and ask for your reason. Please, just please, don't ignore and take it to another subject. I hate it when my questions not being answered and you of all people should know why. I do not want your blarney or anything, I never needed those. Gin, it's you what I need, you and the answers for the questions that keeps haunting my nights.

And then, it really came to reality. You stood on the other side again, with Aizen and Tosen. It felt like I lost a part of me. I tried keeping my attention away from you even in fighting. You three were engulfed in the General-Commander's fire; I'm most worried about you. And to the most unfortunate luck of mine, I got severe wounds and put Kira and the others to danger. Indeed an idiot I am. But will you guess whom I'm doing all this for? You don't even guess, of course it's for you.

When I sensed your reiatsu going to the real Karakura Town, I immediately moved from a faraway place and opened a senkaimon. That's the most stupid thing I did all my life, I thank your vice-captain Kira for healing my wounds enough that I'll be able to move. I'm glad I came right in time, I said, facing you and Aizen who was chasing Ichigo's friends. For a moment, I noticed your mask got off, you probably thought that I had made my choice.

Yes, I did make my choice. And that choice is to make you answer all the questions to be asked even If I need to take it out off your mouth. I didn't even care if the wound I got from that monster open up just to get you to answer it. Ever since in the past, you crawled out your way to not having a proper conversation with me. I didn't even know if you had the same feeling for me. I didn't care though; all I wanted is you in my presence. You flash stepped me a few blocks away, I don't even know to consider this somewhat a reunion; I missed the familiar fragrance and was horribly disgusted by missing it.

I mean, what else I can get from someone not looking like they care about me anyways? This was what has been bugging my mind; I asked you why you had betrayed Kira. You asked me if what I'm saying was true and then went back to the question before, "Why did you come here?" you asked with that voice I'm not familiar with. Of course, isn't it obvious? It's because you're here. You gave me a frown and then touched this prized golden necklace of mine that was from you. The next thing I know is waking up from hakufuku and having a neck wound.

The next thing I see, I was whole speechless about it. Do I still need to say something about it? Just saying it makes me want to slap or let someone else pinch me so I could wake up from this dream. It's you, lying on your own pool of blood as Aizen look down before you. I do not want to say anything anymore. I wish you had told me why you did this, why did you need to make me stop loving you and the next moment make me fall in love again. And what did I say earlier? _I don't want to cry over your dead body._ I just failed to do that, I cried over it. I wish you could've said something before going off. Here you are again, leaving me without telling me a thing.

__That bad habit of yours leaving without telling where you're going; it's still not cured at all.__

_We're now holding out a ceremony for you, as a couple of Onmitsukido members witnessed what you had did. I didn't know how it helped us winning the Winter War. What's the use of winning this war without you giving another one of your genuine smile that you never let others see? I couldn't cry any more, too many tears had been spilled when I knew you were already gone. From the very start I know that you'll be gone, I never thought it'll become true. When the General-Commander had found me still crying over you, he immediately ordered you to get picked up and put you on some kido box. And then just a few days, the captain had informed me, we would be holding a funeral for you. I didn't know if I'm supposed to be happy you're getting a proper farewell from the others but there are more likely people to hate you because you were once a traitor. I was proved wrong, even Captain Hitsugaya who wanted to kill you when he knew you hurt Hinamori or even witnessed, didn't show me that face but instead told me to get over it and move on, saying you probably didn't want me to feel this way too._

"Get over it and move on, he probably didn't want you to feel that way, Rangiku."

And for the third time, he called me by my first name. I gave him a reassuring smile. I'm the last one to say goodbye to you; honestly, I didn't want to say my goodbyes. Not now, not at the time where I can't just forget everything and begin another chapter of my life with knowing you will be not there to sometimes get someone drag Kira out and put me into my barracks once Kira had informed you about having a drink with me. I wondered who always had the good heart to do that and then I knew from Captain it was you.

I couldn't give you something in return; I was being selfish, way too much selfish. But I had skipped that thought for a moment, why does everyone seem shocked and not focused on me. I looked behind myself. The fragrance of persimmons seems to be trapping the surrounding. Am I about to be punished? Because I'm staring out in space to the body of yours standing before me and the whole Gotei 13 while wearing that fox smile of yours. I shouldn't be hallucinating right now.

"Hey, Rangiku. I'm back."

I could see it from this distance that Kira seem to have passed out. I was speechless once again. You never said where you were going and you're going to say you're back? I wanted to hit you. You held my hand that was about to hit you and grabbed me from the waist and hugged me in front of the others.

"If you still cannot believe who is this then," You cupped my cheeks, removing the hair blocking my eyes and kissed me in the forehead. You were never the type to do this in front of many people, but you did.

"But you were-"

You put a finger to my mouth. Finally, a sound came out.

"Shh, all that's important is I'm here right?" You whispered as everyone seem to send all their regards. I do not have a clue about what is happening. "Give an earful to that creepy kid of yours, the strawberry guy; he said it'll be better if it's like this. He watched way too many romance dramas about things like this."

I smiled as bright as the sun. That's the least I can do. I hope none of this is a dream. I hope this is the reality. I buried my head onto your chest; you were still the Gin I knew. The boy who rescued me from the woods. The man I fell in love with. I regret none of these. My questions had been answered.

_I can never do anything._

It all happened, right? _And I'm contented enough with you back to my life.  
><em>

* * *

><p><strong>Hey guys—I was kind enough to not end it with Gin dying here although it's mostly narrated by Rangiku and messaged to him and crap. I hereby apologize for not posting a chapter for the week; I'm unfortunately busy ((USO)) and currently thinking of something nice for the chapter 5 of Clock Strikes. SO HAVE THIS ONESHOT!<br>Oh right, I was listening and experiencing too much feels so I took most of it here. **


End file.
